It’s a common life experience that some relationships come and go, while others last a lifetime. Some fade away through benign agreement, or interests change, and a parting of ways feels natural.

Then there are those relationships that end or become more distant in a shroud of hurt, misunderstanding, or confusion. Or those that end in anger and the acrimony lingers on.

Today I was reflecting on a friendship that ended in unspoken one-sided distancing. We call this ‘ghosting’ when one person just stops talking to or responding to the other without explanation. The hurt and confusion rose up in my chest again, and again my mind tried to grasp what happened; did I do something wrong? Being ghosted hurts. It leaves us in painful mystery about what happened and opens floodgates for anger to enter.

I noticed how quickly – in a heartbeat – my mind started spinning stories about how the former friend must be harboring judgments about me, and likely speaking badly of me behind my back. My heart tightened as I imagined this, and I gritted my teeth. My mind spun passive-aggressive fantasies about telling them how wrong and blame-worthy they were. As though any of these contrived stories would help. No – it only hurt more, piling on to the original hurt.

But I knew that although my hurt and anger about it were REAL (because I felt it), the stories I made up were not necessarily TRUE. Such stories are Real but not True, regardless of how right we think we are. It can be so hard to remember that we made them up…

One morning while I meditated, a thunderous beating of helicopter blades shook the house. It set off a series of emotions and thoughts for me to watch. Curiosity – what was going on? Gratitude – that I didn’t live in a war-torn area, where rumbling in the sky would set off terror.

Then came the (admittedly crazy) fear that maybe there was a search for someone dangerous nearby, a news story transpiring outside my door. Now my mind was getting busy – hooked by these compelling ideas.

I was so tempted to get up and look outside to see what was going on.

But I didn’t. Instead, I noticed all these thoughts and emotions I was manufacturing, and I took a breath.

… if we allow ourselves to face what wants to push us off the cushion (i.e., our emotions) eventually we will learn something meaningful and helpful about ourselves.

This ability to sit with restlessness, urgency, or craving for something - something other than what is happening right now – is a key in overcoming habits and addictive behaviors…

I was walking in the woods, following a yellow-marked trail. When it became a blue-marked trail, I didn’t mind. I had plenty of time, and I knew the park was not that large; eventually, any trail would lead me back to my parked car. This is what I thought.

Plus, I had a map app tracking me on my phone. It was a glorious fall day, and I was happy just to be out walking.

After a while, I suspected I had been at a certain fork in the trail before. Maybe more than once. Definitely more than once. I consulted my tracker and decided which way to turn. I soon learned I was wrong - again. Maybe I did this more than once… Suddenly I felt that sinking sense of shame flash through my whole torso. How stupid am I? … My inner critic held court…

I walked through my suburban neighborhood streets, noticing so many sounds. I heard car engines, wind rustling in the trees, my feet crunching leaves, birds singing, my breathing, cars swishing by on the distant highway, and the muffled roar of planes overhead. All was good.

Then a man in a hooded sweatshirt (it was drizzling) stepped out of a side street just ahead of me and turned down my street. He walked in the same direction a few paces ahead, head bent, lighting a cigarette.

Immediately my gut triggered an age-old reaction. Be careful!…

I don’t think I can ever get tired of the Sanibel beach vista. It’s always there, but my relationship with it is one of never taking it for granted. Sometimes the sky is crystal blue – sapphire – and the clouds are big, puffy, and white. Sometimes the sky is so gray you can barely see where it touches the water on the horizon. There are always gentle waves, and sand, and shells. Always the green beach vegetation, bushes, palms, trees. When I walk along the beach, feet in the warm water, eyes taking in the whole scene, I am filled with a sense of timelessness. Although I know that even this is not forever…

Part 3 of 4 in a Sanibel Island series …

Yesterday I went out for a five-mile walk in the nature preserve. Halfway through, the skies opened up and a torrential downpour rained over my entire body. I was drenched in seconds, sneakers squishing, sunscreen streaming into my eyes. Soon I was walking ankle-deep in flooded paths, eyes lowered, simply putting one foot in front of the other. There was a satisfying sense of simply allowing what was happening to happen and not resist it. I decided to ‘lean into’ it – literally and figuratively, and it was liberating!

Part 2 of 4 in a Sanibel Island series…

In the doing versus being equation, I am a doer. This has served me well my whole life; gotten me educated, gotten me jobs, kept me informed and engaged. All good; I’m glad I did it all. But … it’s time to let it go, at least some of the incessant doing.

Part 1 of 4 in a Sanibel Island series…

A daily Sanibel Island ritual is to walk to the beach to watch the sun set over the water. Sanibel is famous for its spectacular sunsets. On this day, the sky was overcast, and there wasn’t much of a sunset. But as I looked around, I saw – abundance! I was surrounded by the richness of sand, water, waves, air, sky. I was struck by the vastness of these things. In times when we lean toward fear, caution, and scarcity, it was a delight to notice and be moved by this abundance offered up by nature.

Welcome! This blog is a space for reflections on concepts in mindfulness and ways it appears in everyday life - meditation ‘off the cushion’, as they say. These will be my observations, experiences, stories, and reflections - hopefully of interest and use as we move together along this path of waking up.