The Inner Critic

I was walking in the woods, following a yellow-marked trail. When it became a blue-marked trail, I didn’t mind. I had plenty of time, and I knew the park was not that large; eventually, any trail would lead me back to my parked car. This is what I thought.

Plus, I had a map app tracking me on my phone. It was a glorious fall day, and I was happy just to be out walking.

After a while, I suspected I had been at a certain fork in the trail before. Maybe more than once. Definitely more than once. I consulted my tracker and decided which way to turn. I soon learned I was wrong. Maybe I did this more than once.

I should say that I am notoriously ‘directionally-challenged’. When riding in a car and I suggest turning left, it is always wisest to turn right. I know this about myself, which is why I was tracking myself on my phone. Nonetheless, I was walking in large circles. When I stopped to consult my app again, I saw the tiny dot that was me scamper across the screen and land in a new place. It turns out it was not, in fact, tracking me accurately. Yikes - I was on my own.

Suddenly I felt that sinking sense of shame flash through my whole torso. How stupid am I? How hard can it be to follow marked signs? Even in this small park, I can’t find my way with only two colors, blue and yellow, marking the trees. I am a grown woman who can do many things; honestly - how stupid am I? My inner critic held court.

Then I stopped. I became aware of what I was feeling. That judgy voice was being unreasonably unkind. So what if I got lost in these woods on clearly marked trails. So what. Does that really make me stupid?

Would I allow a child of mine or a friend to beat themselves up like this – of course not. I would be compassionate toward them.

My inner critic wasn’t trying to teach me anything; it was shaming me. Even if the consequences were more serious than walking in circles for a while, this does not make me or anyone else stupid or less worthy of love and respect. I was happy she only was in control for a short time, and I woke up out of that trance.

My brain is wired to do many things well, and spatial orientation is not one of them.

Getting lost in the woods is a trivial example. Yet shame is so powerful, it seems to invade at any opportunity, and our inner critic is its delivery vehicle. There are other things I don’t do well, and still, I know I am worthwhile and have essential inherent goodness.

Just like you and every living being.

So, it’s helpful to start with noticing the lighter shaming we do to ourselves and replace it with some self-compassion. Then we can work our way up to the bigger shames we carry.

How much power does your inner critic have?

Do you believe all people have basic goodness and inherent worth, despite how we sometimes act, or the shame we carry?

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