Restlessness

One morning while I meditated, a thunderous beating of helicopter blades shook the house. I could tell a large helicopter was slowly circling above the area. It set off a series of emotions and thoughts for me to watch. Curiosity – what was going on? Gratitude – that I didn’t live in a war-torn area, where rumbling in the sky would set off terror.

Then I wondered whether some chemical spray was raining down that would subtly poison our lungs, bloodstream, and plants. Then the (admittedly crazy) fear that maybe there was a search for someone dangerous nearby, a news story transpiring outside my door. Now my mind was getting busy – hooked by these compelling ideas.

I was so tempted to get up and look outside to see what was going on.

But I didn’t. Instead, I noticed all these thoughts and emotions I was manufacturing, and I took a breath. The helicopter went away and I continued to sit.

This brought to mind the teaching from Jack Kornfield to notice the urge to get up when boredom or restlessness want to push us off the cushion. He says the first time we feel that, to sit through it and deeply notice what’s underneath the restlessness.

Is there fear of feeling something more difficult – anger, fear, sadness?

Or perhaps the planning mind feels an urgency to get on with the day and get to the more important things.

Or we take it as proof once again that our mind is incapable of slowing down, so we are a meditation failure.

Or maybe we think our particular body can’t sit still for so long. We forget how long our body sits still in a movie theater.

 So, Jack says to sit with those feelings. The second time the urge comes around, again sit and investigate the feelings. The third time you feel you must get up or else scream, go ahead and get up. Our practice must be gentle, even if firm.

He teaches - and I’ve experienced - if we allow ourselves to face what wants to push us off the cushion (i.e., our emotions) eventually we will learn something meaningful and helpful about ourselves.

This ability to sit with restlessness, urgency, or craving for something - something other than what is happening right now – is a key in overcoming habits and addictive behaviors. When the urge arises, we can wait, breathe with it, notice all the components of the feelings in the body, allow them to be there, and watch how they morph and change. In doing this, we can learn to ride that wave of craving until it subsides.

Try it with something small, maybe an urge for a sweet, a cup of tea or coffee, or even something as small as an itch. This isn’t a once-and-done thing, but a practice to do over and over. After a while, the muscle of riding the wave of a craving gets stronger until the craving itself gets smaller and weaker.

Sitting through urges, cravings, and restlessness when we are on the cushion is practice for wrestling with bigger habits we might want to break in our life. There is a book, The Craving Mind, written by Dr. Judson Brewer. He’s a researcher and clinician who applies principles of mindfulness practice to working with habits of all kinds. He shows us that we can get free from the habits that imprison us.

What is your relationship with the kind of restlessness that prefers to be unexamined?

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