Striving

Part 2 of 4 in a Sanibel Island series…

I hear from some people that the pandemic allowed them to slow down, let go of things they used to fill their days with, that their lives became simpler, even while more stressful. They didn’t go places or see people. Their commute was to their living room.

I, too, saw fewer people, went fewer places. But I found myself – still, find myself – having very full and busy days. I work at my desk many hours – maybe more than when my life was more ‘normal’. I go for walks, longer ones than before, read more books, listen to even more podcasts, attend more webinars, and absorb more information. My to-do list is alive and well.

Here’s what I don’t do more of: be.

In the doing versus being equation, I am a doer. This has served me well my whole life; gotten me educated, gotten me jobs, kept me informed and engaged. All good; I’m glad I did it all. But … it’s time to let it go, at least some of the incessant doing.

When I was out walking the other day, I set out to take only a short walk; it was a rest day.  So why, when it was time to turn around and go home, I just kept on walking for many more miles? I let my feet drive, not my inner voice that said, “Remember you were going to rest today?’ Or maybe I have dueling inner voices: one is conscious and says wise things like ‘rest’, and the other is unconscious and addicted to the automatic pilot that says ‘keep going – strive some more.’ My master, the Fitbit, hadn’t recorded the acceptable number of steps yet.

Around this time, for many days, I was in the middle of researching for a class I wanted to teach. I read books, highlighted important parts, listened to talks, podcasts, interviews, reviewed courses—day after day. I took notes. Pages and pages and I organized and reorganized all those pages of notes. The Fitbit of my research was exploding. Then I realized that my planned topic was bigger than ten elephants, and suddenly my brain couldn’t take in any more. It was overwhelmed with words, ideas, thoughts. Too much to possibly teach in any coherent manner; because it all had to be said simultaneously.

Clearly, not a viable strategy. So I stopped. No more books, no more listening to others talk into my headphones while I walked. Instead, I walked in silence. I looked up and noticed the open sky, breeze, water, sun. All my very important thoughts began to disappear into the open sky and water. Like opening my closed hands and letting it all go, not pushing, not grasping – just opening and letting it go. My mind became wider and emptier and more peaceful. I found there was space where before there were way too many words, thoughts, and ideas. And all the words and thoughts settled from the swirl they were in and began to seep into my being and take root in my consciousness. Only quiet and the simple act of just being could do that. It’s still going on, even as I write these … words. Integration, processing, embodying the ideas and thoughts. Soon they will be part of me, not just residing temporarily in my miraculous but limited brain.

There is wisdom in letting go, in just being. Sitting and doing ‘nothing’. In that ‘nothing’, life is forming inside, gestating and growing, and will soon manifest itself in the world. Then, I’ll be ready to teach that class.

Where are you on the doing vs being spectrum? You’re welcome to leave comments or your own reflections below … and sign up for my Newsletter (top of the page) if you haven’t already.