Allowing

Part 3 of 4 in a Sanibel Island series …

Yesterday (actually a few weeks ago now) I went out for a five-mile walk in the nature preserve. Halfway through, the skies opened up and a torrential downpour like I had never been out in before rained over my entire body. I was drenched in seconds, sneakers squishing, sunscreen streaming into my eyes. Soon I was walking ankle-deep in flooded paths, eyes lowered, simply putting one foot in front of the other.

I certainly couldn’t stop the rain, and there was no shelter; I was soaked to my bones. There was a satisfying sense of simply allowing what was happening to happen and not resist it. I decided to ‘lean into’ it – literally and figuratively, and it was liberating! I chose to love the expression of nature in which I found myself. I was safe, so I could relax and enjoy it. I laughed! It’s true that my initial instinct was to tense up, hunker down, and walk faster, and I felt my muscles doing just that. But then I realized what I was doing and let go of that tension, even the urgency.

This brought to mind the book I was reading that very morning, Unattended Sorrow, by Stephen Levine. This wise man, who devoted his life to helping those suffering from loss and grief, advises us to ‘lean into’ our fear, sadness, and grief. That when our heart resists this pain and hardens around it, it is difficult for healing to find its way in. Healing, he says, happens when the heart softens around the pain, making space for mercy, grace, and forgiveness to bring some relief. He says that allowing and attending to our sorrow in this way doesn’t end our grief but eases and transforms it. We can then access that underlying reservoir of love which is our birthright. This love embraces us, all we have lost, and everyone who experiences loss of any kind.

What a counter-intuitive challenge it is not to resist fear, pain, or sadness but rather to allow it! It helps to remember that allowing is not the same as liking, approving of, or condoning. Allowing is simply recognizing the truth of what is. It’s the first step, and it feels liberating. Authentic change can’t happen until we start there.

In the words of psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

What is your experience with recognizing the truth of what is (allowing)? Can you do it? What gets in the way?

You’re welcome to leave comments or your own reflections below … and sign up for my Newsletter (top of the page) if you haven’t already.