Love No Matter What

The other day I was listening to a podcast interviewing Father Greg Boyle, an extraordinary man who works with rehabilitating gang members in Los Angeles. Several years ago, I read his book Tattoos on the Heart, introducing us to the nonprofit he founded, Home Boy Industries. Through poignant stories, he shows how love can heal even those with the most brutal behaviors.

Several times I found myself tearing up while listening to Father Boyle explain his relentless philosophy of love no matter what. (Podcast link)

When one gang member implored Father Boyle (or G, as they call him):

“Help me to become a better man.” G’s response was:

“You could not be one bit better.”

He means that if this young man is cherished enough, he will see and be the best self he already is. And then he will see others that way too – as their best selves. It is abundantly clear that Greg Boyle holds to this 100% - love no matter what. He believes in the inherent goodness of every human and that cherishing someone, rather than admonishing them, is how they heal.

It reminds me of the parable of the prodigal son, where the father welcomes his wayward son back home without reservation (loved no matter what).

Father Boyle assures gang members, “No matter what, I’m going to be there for you. I’ll love and cherish you.”  He does set boundaries and sometimes has to let someone go their way, ‘cut them loose’, as he says.

But he adds, “We wait for them until they are ready to come back. If you see who someone is and what they carry, it’s not difficult to love no matter what. People are banged up, abused, hurt, traumatized, and confused.” Yet, love never stops loving, is his belief.

Referring to something Pema Chodron once said, he asks: “Can we stand in awe of what people have to carry, rather than stand in judgment of how they carry it?” Father Boyle is quick to agree that this is not easy to do and that it takes vigilance - one breath at a time to catch ourselves and remember.

This belief in the power of unconditional love; seeing the pain behind human behavior and knowing the unshakable goodness within us; knowing that we all belong to each other and are not separate from each other – this is the essence of Buddhism as I know it, and Christianity at its best - and it is where I believe God is.

Greg Boyle has written a new book, which I look forward to reading, The Whole Language: The Power of Extravagant Tenderness. I believe he is a modern-day saint, a bodhisattva, with his messages of love no matter what and love never stops loving.

It’s a high aspiration to love like that, and in some ways, what Father Boyle advocates is provocative. Surely it isn’t easy. But how might the world be different if we all tried a little harder?

Do you believe in - or even agree with  - love no matter what?

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