Change and Growth
This summer we had some unexpected guests. They moved in and, over time, took up more and more space. They watched our comings and goings every time we got in the car to go somewhere. We mostly ignored them and let them be who they were – until it got out of hand, and we knew an intervention was necessary.
Our guests were baldfaced hornets, and they set up housekeeping just outside our garage door, up in the corner, so every time we opened the garage door, they would swarm. Even though hornets aren’t that aggressive, and we might not get stung, the nest was growing larger by the day, housing hundreds of them. When I started to park in the driveway rather than use the garage door, I knew this couldn’t continue.
Research told us there was no environmentally friendly way to move the nest to another location or to remove it entirely. We didn’t want to have to do it because hornets, although not pollinators, eat insects and are good for the environment.
Reluctantly, we called in an expert who donned a spacesuit, sprayed something that required the spacesuit for protection, and the nest was gone within minutes. Or mostly gone; there were remnants – threads hanging from where the nest used to be. He said there was a chance some hornets might come back and try to rebuild the nest, so we should watch for that.
Well, come back they did. Within two days, there was another small nest in the making. I went to the hardware store to purchase some anti-hornet spray, and in the parking lot, a nice man eyed my can of spray and told me to try spraying them with a mix of dish soap and water. I was thrilled there was a non-toxic alternative and went straight home to mix some up.
These industrious hornets were not phased in the least by the dish soap. The nest rebuilding continued despite repeated treatments.
Then I got to thinking about this behavior of the hornets – their tenacity, drive, and dedication to their way. I know it’s instinct, but it was so interesting to see playing out hour by hour.
It made me think about how tenaciously we humans sometimes stick to our habits, even when they aren’t always good for us. There are so many behavioral habits, like smoking, drinking, or shopping, that we can get locked into addictively. Then there are the more subtle or less obvious habits of mind that eat away at our well-being, peace, and joy in life. Our favorite ruminations, our tendency to catastrophize, the negative messages from our inner critic reminding us of our self-perceived faults or failures. Our tendency to see what’s wrong rather than what’s also right in a situation. The fears that can govern our lives.
No quick-fix spray of dish soap or anti-hornet chemicals can remove those entrenched habits of mind. But a regular practice of meditation and mindfulness can help loosen the grip of those thought habits. We’ve learned that the brain has plasticity – the ability to change its structure and function – which brings change and healing to stuck patterns, even those initially laid down by trauma. And meditation is much more gentle than toxic bug spray! For very entrenched habits of mind and heart, a combination of meditation and therapy can be particularly powerful.
In my life, I have directly experienced how change and growth are facilitated by mindfulness practice. An excerpt from my book, Light in Bandaged Places: Healing in the Wake of Young Betrayal, describes it like this:
“As Buddhist practice and meditation became my anchor, I began to be more connected to myself, more embodied. I developed a broader field of vision, reminding myself I am more than a specific thought, emotion, or belief. I understood that life has uncertainty, and life worked better when I didn’t resist change. When life brought something difficult, I knew I could apply that non-intuitive yet powerful Buddhist principle of leaning into pain, rather than pushing it away. Listening, feeling empathy, compassion, and a connection with people all came more easily when I slowed down enough to be in the present moment. I became a better advocate for myself, knowing I deserve to have my opinions, emotions, and preferences and not to erase them before they even have life. I learned there is joy, always available, waiting for me to embrace it.”
Have you experienced relief from negative beliefs, fears, and thought patterns? What helped bring about that change?
You’re welcome to leave comments or your own reflections below … and please sign up for my newsletter at the top of this page if you haven’t already.
