Fatigue and Uncertainty

I am probably the 1000th person to write about Covid pandemic fatigue. What can possibly be said that is new or even helpful at this point?

Many of us know this unique kind of fatigue – living a kind of groundhog day while feeling fairly house-bound and fearful of contact with other people. Waiting.

This weighs on us. It takes a toll.

I hope I am being descriptive here and not whining. I know the place of privilege from which I navigate this pandemic, and I am grateful every day for that. I am aware of how many have suffered through illness, instability, hardship, and so much loss. Emotional and psychological struggles have increased and will likely continue for some time.

We know this is not normal and we don’t yet know how ‘normal’ will be redefined. Whatever lies ahead, we know that humans need people, community, contact, freedom of movement, freedom from the continual threat to our sense of safety and agency.

And we need peace from the pressure-cooker of the news cycle, the national discord, and relentless uncertainty.

Uncertainty – this is the crux of the matter, I believe. The uncertainty feels smothering and unnerving.

The interesting thing is, the pandemic didn’t introduce uncertainty to our existence. It is a fact of life; always has been and always will be. The pandemic has brought uncertainty out from under the covers and we all see it and can give it a name and point to it. Blame it maybe.

We so want predictability, solid ground under our feet, a future to plan for, a way to control our lives, something to count on in our world.

But nothing is really solid or completely controllable. All things on earth are in flux, constantly moving, full of space, always changing. We know this in our gut, and the physicists confirm this as fact.

This dilemma – our fierce desire to control the uncontrollable – is the source of so much of our personal and collective distress. Although we have a lot of agency to set up conditions to help bring about a desired outcome, we really cannot ensure any specific outcome.

We can rage, we can despair, we can ignore, we can withdraw. We can take action - wear masks, get vaccinated, test and quarantine – and we should. But none of this can finally remove the uncertainty of life or the course of this pandemic – or the next crisis.

We need to make friends with uncertainty.

Pema Chodron, the beloved Buddhist teacher, has spent her lifetime teaching about how to live well with what’s hard. Just look at the titles of her books: The Places that Scare You; When Things Fall Apart; Welcoming the Unwelcome; Comfortable with Uncertainty; Taking the Leap; Living Beautifully; Practicing Peace.

How to make friends with uncertainty is an ancient teaching, and the good news is it is possible! Pema brings it to us in utterly relevant and relatable ways.

Some of Pema’s wisdom:

·         "There's no certainty about anything. This basic truth hurts, and we want to run away from it."

·         "Suffering usually relates to wanting things to be different from the way they are."

·         The way to dissolve our resistance to life is to meet it face-to-face.

·         "The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy."

·         "One of the happiest moments ever is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change."

For me, the idea of making friends with uncertainty is encouraging, refreshing, and freeing! Not easy, for sure, but worthy of trying.

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